Growing Up & The Importance of Sprinting

If I’m going to be completely honest, which is what I would like to do here. Weed is an amazing plant. Almost like a gift from God in that it’s allowed me to see some pretty ugly truths about myself, others . . . people I loved and cared for — family. Not to sure what constitutes family anymore, not sure what constitutes friendship anymore. Is it a exchange of benefits, strictly a survival necessity, touch and interaction with other human beings? . . . But it’s like we’re never interacting. Merely, illusioned we are. Illusioned we are. Poetic stress.

Growing up has been interesting. Not as painful as described. But eye awakening in a way that only stings you. Grapples you, but doesn’t kill you. I’m scared of it. Now that I’ve realized that I have to now. Some around me, most around me don’t realize this, and in some way I envy them. My ambition just doesn’t allow me time to rest, and to remain immature, would stifle my success. Or so I think. So my conclusion most recently is to stop going out so much, stop spending so much money eating out, smoking weed, and living in this cool but yet fantasy euphoria of finessing our ways through life.

I want it to all be real. Sure yes we get in here, but are we really here. And sure my bank account stays around $2,000 collectively between accounts. But honestly, that concerns me. Maybe that shit low? I wouldn’t know, because I really thought I had made it.

Selfish. And immature.

I recently dropped out of school. Which has effected me pretty weirdly. Sometimes I say fuck school, it was such a waste of time. But other times I romanticize about it. The people I would have met, the life I would be living now, the connections and prestige I would have gained. I wanted that degree. It was my sole dream. I didn’t even realize it until I started crying a couple of days ago.

I have no degree. Which means I have nothing to fall back on, especially with having been working full time at music videos for the last three years. I don’t even have real, true corporate experience although we’ve done a variety of everything. And to count it all off, I felt it selfish of me to chill. My family isn’t even all together. Financially we are in shambles. What the fuck am I doing? Chilling as if I’ve made it, as if this is the ceiling.

Its important to sprint. Sprint as fast as you can. Make those mistakes. Take those risks young. Because the faster you fail, the faster you can succeed. There is no time to waste, there is no time to chill, there is no time to finesse. Make it all real. Because there’s someone behind you, your family.